The Sins of the Mother
by rachgreengeller
Summary: Through a tormented past and the love of her friends, a daughter struggles to make peace and a son strives for acceptance as their mother is dying.
1. Default Chapter

Here is my angst fic Sins of the Mother…basically it is how a daughter and her mother try to find peace before she dies.

These characters are the property of Bright , Kaufmann, and Crane Productions in cooperation with Warner Brothers and NBC.

The air seemed stiller today. It was as almost as if the cosmos could feel it coming. Death is usually like a snake it creeps up and then it strikes. It can also creep up and slowly kill it's victim crushing it like a boa constrictor. But the one thing that death can never do is kill the memories and the love.

Judy Geller laid in her hospital bed as her husband Jack lovingly held her hand. As a woman in her sixties, she knew that her days on this earth were numbered. She just had no idea that the number would come up sooner then she thought.

"Judy, Jack, I have been your doctor for many years. I hate to give my patients this kind of news. This is the part of my job that stinks the most." Dr. Hayes started.

"We're sorry we are late, but traffic from the city was really bad." Ross said as he ran in the door with Monica. "Mon had a kitchen crisis and I had a faculty meeting."

"I'm glad you guys are here. Dr. Hayes said that he has some news." Jack said.

"As I was saying, I got the results back from the tests." Dr. Hayes.

"Well it's anemia, isn't it? A few pills and I will good as new." said Julie as she sat up in her hospital bed.

"Afraid not Judy." Dr. Hayes said as she shook his head. "Jack , Ross, Monica, Judy , I am afraid it is Acute Myelogenous Leukemia."

The room was silent as the family looked over at each other. This is a family that had survived a lot. They had lived through sicknesses, obesity, divorce, and infertility. It would seem that this would be one more hurdle for the Geller family.

"Well I know that acute means that the cells or blasts multiply at a accelerated rate and that those cells are white blood cells. " Ross said . "But I am going to have to look up some more information on the disease."

"How long Donald? Not sugar coated , but real?" asked Jack.

"I can't say until we have the bone marrow aspiration tomorrow. That way we will know what we can do to treat it. I will schedule one and also start a transfusion for Judy here.Once we do the aspiration, we can go from there." Dr. Hayes said. "It's not a death sentence, Judy and with the support from your family here, you stand a good chance." the doctor left the room.

Monica looked at her mother as the nurse came into to start the iv. She looked so helpless as the needle was being inserted. Ross left the room , presumably to call Rachel and let her know how her mother was doing.

"Monica , where did your brother go?" Judy asked.

Monica had to laugh even when she was the only one with enough bravery to stay in the room, her mother wanted her favorite. This was the way it was her whole life. She went out of her way , yet it was never enough.

"He went to call Rachel , let her know what was going on." she muttered.

"Always so considerate of her, shouldn't you be letting your husband know where you are?" Judy enquired.

"Chandler is working late. I'll tell him when I get home. " Monica said through her teeth. Tears started to come to her eyes as she realized how serious this was. She felt the room closing in on her, almost as if

She was sinking in quickstand.

"I'll be right back." she said as she got up from the chair.

Going into the hall, she saw a tall figure slumped over in one of the chairs . His head was in his hands as he shook it back an forth.

"Why Monica , why her?" Ross said as the tears fell from his eyes.

Immediately she took her older brother's head and cradled it. She was always the strong one, the mother hen of the group. She had comforted him when his wife left him, when Emily dumped him, and when the great love of his life and him had broken up. He tried to be the older brother , yet he was as vulnerable and childlike as a young boy. She couldn't afford to fall apart.

"We'll never know why , she is a good person and a loving one. We just have to be strong and thank God we have people around us who love us and will support us." Monica slowly stroked her brother's head.

"It's going to be alright Ross, it will." Monica knew that both her and Ross would have the one thing in the world to get through this. The love of their friends.

This story will only be updated once a week..it is something new for me...please review...


	2. Sometimes All You Need Is Love

Rachel sat on the couch , her glasses resting on her nose. Reports were spread all over the coffee table. She didn't know what she was going to say when he got home. Rachel could only hold him and that was about it. How would she tell her children that their grandmother was dying?

Chandler was a stranger to death. He had went out of his way to avoid the topic. Now it was going to be brought into his life. He had always built up a resentment for the way that Judy treated Monica. It all started the first night that they got together in London. She made Monica feel that she would be an old maid and never get married. It was that emotion that made Monica drink and end up in his bed.

Monica walked into the living room and hugged Chandler.

"Oh honey, how is she?" he asked with concern.

"She is fine now, they started a transfusion to get her strength back and when I left she was eating something." Monica said unemotionally.

"It's going to be alright." Chandler said as he stroked her back . "I am going to be here for you ."

"What did I ever do to deserve such a wonderful husband as you ?" she said as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"You loved me, Monica." he simply said.

Rachel heard the key in the lock. She stood up and ran to the door. He didn't need to say a word. She knew and she was ready to show him how much she loved him.

Taking Ross' hand, she led him to the couch. He sat down next to her as she cradled his head and caressed his hair. He sighed and then she could feel the tears flowing from his eyes. Seeing him hurt this bad, made her lay her own head on his shoulder. Quietly they comforted each other in the dark apartment.

"I told you I would never leave you again." she whispered.

"It's cancer, Rach." he said softly.

"I have always thought of your mother like my own mother. She is the one that would listen to me when I was growing up and she was one of the people that fought so hard for us." Rachel said. "She will beat this."

"Are you doing anything tomorrow?" Ross asked.

"Yes I am going with my husband to the hospital. The year end reports can wait another day." Rachel said.

"You know you don't have to." said Ross.

"For better , for worse, in sickness and in health. I believe Joey said." Rachel said.

Ross got up from the couch with his arm around Rachel. "Let's go to bed. It's been one hell of a day." They walked slowly to their bedroom looking in on their twelve year old daughter. Emma laid in her bed so peaceful and oblivious to the news around her.

"We'll tell her tomorrow." Ross said .

"Jack,Erica, " Chandler started. "Nana is in the hospital and she is very sick. "

"When you say very what do you mean?" asked Jack, who was very inquisitive for his age.

"Kids ,grandma has cancer of the blood." Monica said as she bent her head over.

"You mean leukemia?" asked Erica. "Poor grandma Geller."

"Yeah the only thing that Grandma Bing goes in for is plastic surgery." said Jack.

Chandler had to smile. Jack was a chip off the old block. Cracking jokes was his own way to deal with tragedy. Erica was more like her mother, very meticulous and neurotic. Monica had taken very special care to not favor one child over the other.

"Is she going to die?" asked Erica.

"That we don't know sweetheart. But we are going to the hospital tomorrow with your mother, so we can show Nana Geller how much we care for her." Chandler said assuringly.

Monica took a breath and closed her eyes. Judy couldn't leave her yet. There were so many ghosts to exorcise and hurts to heal. She couldn't leave this world knowing that her daughter thought she had always failed her.

But she hadn't failed. In front of her stood a very loving husband, a product of a more dysfunctional household then her own. She was the mother of two very special children. She considered Jack and Erica , her gift from God. She had the best friends that anyone could have , including the relationship between her and her brother that was salvaged after years of torment and jealousy. No Monica Geller-Bing had not failed . In fact , she had succeeded at something her Phd brother could not, she managed to hold on to one person .

Chandler walked over to her and cradled her in his arms. "It's been a long day and tomorrow will be even longer. Why don't we go to bed?"

She looked up at him and smiled. Yes, she would feel safe in his arms.

The night sky twinkled and the lull had come. Forever their world was changing. A woman lay in a bed as memories flooded her mind, her husband restlessly wandered an empty house. Safely they were tucked away, in the arms of the person they loved. Grasping onto their lovers, they were sheltered from the pain.

Perhaps it was all just a bad dream….reality told them it was not.


	3. A Family Gathers Strength

The doctor walked into the room. On his tray was a set of odd looking contraptions. He noticed the large group in the middle of the room and on the sides.

"Folks I am afraid you are going to have to clear out for a while. This isn't going to be pleasant, and if anyone is squeamish." the doctor continued.

Ross immediately left the room.

"Didn't I hear someone call him Doctor earlier?" said the assisting nurse.

"Yeah a doctor of paleontology. He can't stand needles or the sight of blood." said Monica.

"Monica leave your brother alone , this has been very hard on him and Rachel." countered Julie. Chandler's face tightened up as he heard once again Judy put down her daughter. He walked over and put his arm around her.

"Judy ,we'll go now, come on kids give Nana kisses." he said. The two Bing children ran to the bed and kissed their grandmother . Monica walked to the side of the bed and said "I'll be around." Her and Chandler then left the room.

Rachel and Emma walked to the side of the bed and leaned down.

"I'm sorry Mom Geller," Rachel said as she hugged Judy . "He hates needles and …"

"No need to explain Rachel, just be there for him ." she smiled.

"Nana Geller , God is going to be make you better I just know it." said Emma.

"You need anything Grandma just call." said Ben.

The group left the room , except for Jack.

"You need to go home and get some rest. Can't do with both of us being sick." Judy said. "I'll be fine. Go home and I will see you later."

"See you sweetie, " he said as he held her hand and kissed her.

"Alright Judy, this is what we are going to do . We are going to give you a shot of lidocaine to num the area. Then we are going to stick the syringe into your hipbone to take some of the bone marrow out . We will run it to the lab, and then we will know the best possible round." Dr. Kovach said." Nurse Del Mico will you prepare the area ."

The nurse swabbed the area as they waited for the anesthetic to take affect. Judy turned her head as the doctor injected the needle into her hip and then pushed the plunger on the syringe. The container began to fill up rather quickly and then Dr. Kovach removed it.

"Okay Judy, we are going to run these down to the lab and get them analyzed." said Dr. Kovach. "Then we should know what protocol will give us the best results."

"Thank you doctor, would you tell my husband and my family they can come back in now. My son is rather squeamish." Judy said as she pulled her hospital gown down.

"Nurse tell Mrs. Geller's family they can come back in now."

As everyone gathered in the waiting room, Jack returned with a cup of coffee.

" I was in the chapel and then I went to get some coffee."

"They said we could go back in , but you would be the one that

She would want to see the most Dad." said Chandler.

"Chandler, you're a good man, " Jack smiled as he put his around him. "Be there for my little Harmonica. She is like her mother, she tries to take on the world and then is overwhelmed by it."

A familiar face came over and sat by Rachel and Emma, a smile came to her face . "Daddy!" she smiled.

Leonard Green walked over and hugged his favorite daughter. "Pumpkin, I heard." he said as he lowered his head.

"Grandpa Green, Nana Geller is sick." said Emma. "Can you fix her ?"

Leonard had to smile at his granddaughter's naïveté. She was ten highly intelligent, but she still had such a child's imagination. His eyes watered as he looked into her brown eyes.

"Emma , if I could I would." Leonard sadly said. He walked over to Jack and hugged him.

"Jack, I was so sorry when I heard the news. This is terrible." he said' He pulled out his wallet and gave him a card. "This guy is a friend of mine, He has to be one of the best damn oncologists I know . Give him a call and say that Leonard Green sent you." smiled Leonard.

Jack put the card in his pocket and thanked him.

"Now where is that son in law of mine at? " Leonard said as he looked around . At that moment, Ross showed up with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Geller, " he softly said.

Ross turned around and saw Rachel's father standing there. "Dr Green."

"Geller I know we have had our differences in the past. But I just want you to know that I am very sorry about your mother. Judy is a fighter and I know she will beat this. You need anything , feel free to call me or Sandra ." Leonard said sincerely.

Ross was startled by this display of affection . Leonard was usually not that sincere of a person. He definitely had a certain amount of animosity toward him, mainly because Emma was a child of wedlock.

"I just went for a walk, got some coffee." he said kissing his wife.

"She wants to see you." Rachel said. "I'll stay out here with Emma."

Chandler sat until Monica returned. "There's one for you and one for you." she said as she handed the candy bars to Jack and Erica.

"Your mother wants to see you." Chandler said as he put his arm around her shoulder.

"Okay.' she smiled sweetly. Turning around she got the biggest shock of her life.

A rather tall good looking man was coming toward Monica and Jack. Observing him closer, she knew that man very well. His brooding features and the graying hair were new to her , but she definitely remembered them. His smile, his voice and the distinct smell of his cigars.

"I came as soon as I heard Jack." the voice said.

"Richard, I am so glad to see you."Jack said embracing his old friend.

Chandler was talking to Ross before he was going back in the room.He looked over and saw Richard standing there as plain as day. His usually comfortable look had changed rather quickly.

Richard left Jack and walked slowly over to her. He looked at her as if he was a drowning man and she was the anchor. She smiled kindly at him as if this was twenty years ago.

"Hello Monica." he said.

"Hello Richard." Monica said.

Ohh cliff hanger. Hey if Judy was sick you don't think Richard wouldn't be there for his old friend. And you mondler people are just going to have to suffer until the next chapter.hee hee.. I made Leonard a nice guy because he is a doctor and I would like to think that him and Ross are friends now at least…

Thanks for all the nice reviews…don't worry there is a lot of story left remember we haven't heard from the gang yet…and they will be there for their friends…

Oh in answer to the when this was set …ten years after the finale..Chandler and Monica have been married for 17 or eighteen years and Ross and Rachel for at least 12 years.


	4. A Helping Hand

Chandler walked over to the ex lovers and stood.

"Monica I came as soon as I heard. I am so sorry, she'll fight this I 'm sure . Judy's strong." Richard held her hand as Monica looked at him.

"Judy is strong and so is Monica. If she needs anyone to lean on , I'll be here for her." Chandler said as he took her hand and put it in his own. "Mon your mother's waiting." he said as she looked at him. Monica turned and walked toward the hospital room.

"Chandler I never meant." Richard started to say.

"I know that you still care for her a great deal and you have been friends of the Gellers for years. But Richard, I am her husband and that is what I am here for." Chandler said looking Richard in the eye.

Rachel watched this display with curiosity. She knew there was a jealousy between Richard and Chandler, she hoped there would not be a confrontation, for this was neither the time nor place for it.

"Rachel, Mom's here." said Ben. Carol Willick and her adult son entered the waiting room. "Rachel I am sorry. How is he holding up?" Carol said as she embraced her.

"Well he is not really accepting it yet. He tries to pretend that he knows all about the sickness and flaunt his degrees around, but I know the real Ross and when he does accept it, it's going to hurt like hell." Rachel said.

"I lost my mother to another form of cancer, so I know how hard this is. He is going to need someone who has been through this, so I wanted to know if he would like to talk." Carol said concerned.

"I don't think he is at the talking stage. But thanks sweetie." Rachel sighed. At that point Emma came over. "Mommy, look who's here?" she said as she pulled Phoebe by the hand.."

"Phoebe." Rachel started to sob.

"I heard ,and I knew you needed your family here." Phoebe said. "After all you guys are my family." she started to cry.

"Phoebe this is the nicest part of this whole mess." Rachel said.

"I don't mean to interrupt, but if you would like I could have Emma come over to our house tonight, so you and Ross can stay here for a while." Carol said. "How about it Em, we'll get ice cream and pizza?"

"Can I Mommy?" Emma asked with wide eyes.

"Of course you can." Rachel reassured. "I'll just tell Daddy when he is done visiting Grandma."

"That is one of the first things that you learn when you are affected by this disease." Carol said.

"But it's Judy that 's sick , not me ." Rachel corrected her.

"Cancer effects the whole family." Carol said. "It is important to take time for yourself, or you or Ross will be no good to Judy. That's why Emma can stay with Susan and me tonight. You guys probably hadn't been alone since the diagnosis, and you need that." Carol said. "It's good to see you Phoebe . Rachel , remember you need to talk about it." Carol , Emma, and Ben left.

"Phoebs , Ross and Monica are going to be so glad to see you.This has been pretty rough on them." Rachel broke away from the embrace.

"I also came over to cleanse Judy's aura." she smiled. "At this point , any kind of healing can help."

"Well that's true." Rachel looked over to see Ross coming out the room. "I thought that I would take Emma and you home and then come back later." Ross said. His expression changed when he saw his friend standing there.

"Phoebs." he smiled.

"So I hear things aren't going so well right now." she said.

"No but my mother will get better. Is Richard still around?" Ross asked.

"No he left." answered Rachel .

"Good , I know he is Dad's friend and all , but the way he was hanging on to Monica, we need to stick together right now as a family." Ross added.

"That's why I am here. I am also going to go and cleanse your mother's aura. Be right back." Phoebe walked down the hall.

"Where's Emma?" asked Ross as he looked around.

"Carol took her with her tonight. Something about we needed some alone time , especially now." said Rachel.

"I guess that 's a good idea. Plus we won't have her around tonight , so we can .. ."he said suggestively.

"Well Carol did say we had do things right now that made us feel good." Rachel tried to reason.

"You have no idea how good this would make me feel, Rachel Geller." Ross said as he started to rub his hands down her arm. She looked into his eyes and grabbed her coat.

"We just need to say goodbye to everyone." Rachel said as they headed for the room.

Jack was laughing as he listened to Phoebe. It felt good to have someone that positive around to make them laugh. Judy was laughing as well.

"So where are you two headed?" asked Monica.

"Carol took Emma home so we could be alone tonight." Rachel said.

"And we are planning on taking advantage of that ." added Ross. "No television, or computer , or…"

"Yeah we know Ross." smiled Monica.

"Yeah a little lobster lovin. " exclaimed Phoebe.

"Phoebe ,we are not in our twenties anymore." said Rachel.

"Yes but you are still not too old to have another one of my grandchildren." stated Judy.

"Oh mom." Ross said shyly.

"Go have a nice evening. I'll see you two tomorrow." said Judy as she kissed her son and his wife.

Ross and Rachel headed for the parking lot. As they looked up, they saw a very familiar figure with a cigarette in his hand.

"Chandler." exclaimed Ross. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"


	5. All In the Name of Love

Judy laid in the bed as a million thoughts ran through her head. Not only her life, but the lives of her family had changed in the past half hour. No one had ever really been sick before, but not the most catastrophic of diseases had attacked her system.

"Chandler I know this is hard on all of us, but Monica needs you to be strong." Ross said as he stomped out the cigarette.

"He was up there and he was holding her hand." Chandler said as put another cigarette to his lips. "Is it so hard for people to grasp the idea that I can take care of Monica now?" he yelled.

"Chandler , Richard has known our families for a long time. He is just trying to give his support." Rachel said as she stroked his back.

"She is my wife. How you would feel if Emily or Mona came back to give comfort to Ross right now?" Chandler said as he lit the cigarette.

"I guess it would upset me." Rachel admitted.

"Well it upsets me greatly. That's why I am smoking right now." Chandler said. "Any way where are you two off to?"

"Well Emma is spending the night at Carol's , so we are going to spend a little time together." Ross said as he put his arm around Rachel again.

"Hey well at least someone is getting some tonight, Lord knows I won't after I read her the riot act about that Big Tree." Chandler said.

"Take it easy on her , she is going through a lot ." said Ross. "Remember she is my sister after all."

"I would never do anything to hurt her." Chandler said. "I love that woman more than life itself."

"Then tell her Chandler, she needs to hear that now more than ever."Rachel said. "You are my sweet and funny friend , I love you."

They both disappeared into the night and their car.

Chandler stomped out his cigarette and turned around. Monica was right behind him.

"How is she?" he asked concerned.

"They won't know until the morning. Chandler, why were you smoking?" Monica asked.

"I guess it's just how concerned I am for your mother." he lied.

"I am going to lose her, I don't want to lose you too." Monica sobbed into his chest.

"You're not gonna lose me Mon. Not for a long time." he whispered. "Let's go home." he smiled and they walked toward the Porsche.

Early the next day, the doctor was making his rounds. A nurse came in at five am to take a vial of blood. Jack arrived so he could talk to the doctor when he did rounds. Around eight, people were starting to drift in the hospital room.

Monica sat on the chair by the bed as the doctor was looking through Judy's file. Chandler stood by her side as he held her hand.

Rachel leaned against the wall as her husband had his arm around her.

"Well what 's the verdict?" asked Jack.

"It is metastasizing very rapidly. Just what I was afraid of. We are going to have to start you immediately on a protocol that will slow down the growth of the white blood cells." the doctor said.

"In English," said Chandler frustrated. "Only one of us in this room has a Phd."

"The cancer is taking over Judy's system and spreading very fast . We are going to have to start chemo today. Nurse prepare the Lumen catheter , I will do the procedure following lunch." Dr. Hayes said.

"What procedure?" asked Ross.

"We are going to insert surgically a main line into Judy's vein where we will not have to consistently poke her for chemo, blood tests, or intravenous feedings of any kind." Dr. Hayes pointed where the line would go in her shoulder. "The ports are where the medicine can be injected in her body. It is a common procedure that we do with cancer patients of this kind."

"Will it hurt?" Judy asked.

"Just a small twinge with the local and that is it." Dr. Hayes smiled. "See you later Judy." he said as he walked out the door.

"Oh God Mom, I 've got a lecture at eleven and Rach still has to be at work. " Ross said as he looked at his watch. "Come on , I'll drop you off at work." he said to Rachel. He walked over to the bed and kissed his mother's cheek. "You're gonna beat this." he whispered and then disappeared out the door.

Ross walked over to the elevator and slumped over. Rachel could see the tears falling from his eyes. Here was this grown man , married and with kids , completely devastated.

Rachel couldn't stand what this was doing to Ross. She knew he would break.

"Honey, I think you should take a leave of absence from work. It would do you a world of good to not have to worry about school right now." Rachel said as they got in the elevator.

"You mean a sabbatical?" Ross asked. "Yeah I suppose I could do that. I would like to be able to spend more time with Mom and maybe even work on that book I was writing."

"You deserve a break honey." Rachel said as she ran her hands up and down his back.

"I'll do it. Now let's go over to Carol's and get Emma. " Ross said as they headed for the front door.

thanks for all the great reviews...i am a fan of er ..but unfortunately the procedures were from real life..


	6. A Daughter Can Only Do So Much

Judy had finished her cycle and was resting comfortably. Monica sat by her bed and quietly knit. The trips to the hospital were finally taking their toll. Her eyes had dark circles under them and her hair didn't have that raven color anymore. Grey now lined the roots and base of her hairline.

"Mom I 'm going to the cafeteria. Would you like anything?" Monica asked as she rose from the chair.

Judy just laid motionless.

Suddenly she came to life realizing that her favorite child had arrived. "Sorry I was late Mom but Emma had a conference this afternoon and I thought it was important that I go." Ross said as he hurried in the room.

"Sweetie would you mind getting me a milkshake?" Judy said as he sat down.

"No Mom, not at all, would you like strawberry , I know it's your favorite." Ross said.

"That would be good." Judy smiled and laid her head back down on the pillow. She put her hand under it and grabbed something. Her fingers were tangled around a few strands of blonde hair.

Ross looked over and quickly left the room.

"Here Mom, I will get a bag for that." Monica said as she grabbed the strands of hair and pulled out of her nightstand a plastic bag.

"Leave it , it's all going to fall out anyway." Judy said. "I guess I do have cancer. It's nothing like in those Lifetime movies where I am played by someone like Linda Gray or something."

"Hello Judy." Sandra Green said as she opened the door. "Monica sweetie, it's so nice to know that you are here for your mother." she gave her a huge hug.

"Sandy, it's so nice of you to visit." Judy smiled.

"Well I brought you something." Sandra said as she opened the bag. "I had some old wigs around the house and I thought you might be able to use them See this was Jill's and Amy's hairpieces . These darker ones are mine and Rachel's ."

"They're lovely." Judy looked over at Monica uneasily as if she really didn't know what to say.

"Thank you Mrs. Green, Mom does appreciate these." Monica said.

"I'll stay for a few minutes, but I have a lunch date at one." Sandra said as she planted herself in the chair next to the bed.

"I'll just sit over here on the bed." Monica said as she sat on the edge of her mother's bed.

"But Monica, where will Ross sit? Why don't you go and get an extra chair." said Judy as she rearranged herself in the bed again.

Monica got up and walked toward the hallway. She looked back at her mother . She had tried for almost forty years to be this perfect daughter. Ever since the diagnosis, she had sat by her bed every day and into the night. Thank God she had a loving husband like Chandler, who would make her dinner and take care of the kids so she could be with her dying mother. She was the one who was with her all the time. Yet all he had to do was show up, and just like they were kids again, Monica would be pushed aside.

"Did I hear you say Ross was here?" asked Sandra. "I will stay until he gets back ."

"He has been an absolute angel. Did you know he took a sabbatical from NYU so he could be with me more ? And he has been working on a book, oh I tell you I couldn't ask for a more perfect son." Judy gushed.

Monica walked down the hall . Tears were glistening from her eyes. She had to get out of her room. She wasn't sixteen anymore and the fat sibling. She was the strong one. But there was only so much she could take.

She grabbed a chair and walked back toward the room. She would show her mother. She would make herself the perfect child . She would have the strength and everyone would say,"That Monica is the world's best daughter." As she walked the halls, she spotted something

She hadn't thought about it for quite some time. It was her own private coping mechanism as a teen. Whenever she got a good grade or cooked something special, it would always be pushed aside. It wasn't important enough. She could still here the voices in her past.

"Mom, look I got an A on my Home Ec test." Monica would excitedly say.

"That's nice dear." she would say. "Ross how did you do on your chemistry exam?

"I got an A, the highest in the class." Ross would say.

"That's my boy, someday you are going to be a famous scientist ." Judy would say.

Then Monica would pull a candy bar out of her pocket and start to chew on it. She almost laughed at the similar coping mechanisms that her and her husband shared. He would smoke and she would eat to deal with the trials in their young lives. Maybe that's why they were so compatitible. Chandler dealt with a father who was gay ,she dealt with a brother that could do no wrong. The more and more she thought about it, she walked over to the candy machine and put in a dollar and then took the Snickers bar from its wrapper.

"Hey Mon, is Mom stil awake? I got her the shake she wanted." said Ross.

"Yeah, and Sandra is visiting her." Monica said as she chewed on the chocolate and peanuts."

"Okay, boy I haven't seen you eat one of those in years." Ross said as he watched her devour the Snickers bar. "See ya inside." he said as he ambled down the hall.

"Damn medical marvel." she muttered as she put another dollar in the machine to get another candy bar.


	7. Sometimes A Friend Can Make Things Bette...

It had been another exhausting day for Monica. She dragged herself up the front steps and opened the door. Her children were running around and screaming.

"Jack ! Erica! It is way past your bed time and Mommy's not in the mood." she yelled.

"But Mommy ." Erica whined.

"No buts bed now!" Monica pointed at the stairs. "March." The two Bing children marched up the stairs obediently.

"Chandler! Why in the hell were those children up?" she cursed.

"Ah Mon, maybe it was my fault ." a familiar voice cried. "How you doin?"

"Joey!" she squealed as she ran into the man's arms. She put her arms around her friends' neck. "When did you get in?" she asked.

"A couple of hours ago. I was in town for an audition and thought I would come visit my pal and his family." Joey explained. "I hear things are pretty rough right now for you guys."

"Yeah I spend my day at the hospital . I wake up and go when it's still dark and come home to the dark." Monica said bitterly.

"Hi honey, sorry about the kids," Chandler said as he put his arms around his wife. "How is she today?"

"Well her hair is starting to fall out now and she can't stand to have me near her." Monica said.

"That can't be so , Mon, you are her daughter." assured Joey. "She loves you very much."

"She would much rather have her little boy there than me." Monica started to sob. Chandler saw her and ran to her arms. "What am I doing right now Chandler? What have I done so damn wrong?""

"Monica , you're tired and exhausted. She does not hate you." Chandler said as he stroked her back.

"Yeah Mon, you are always at the hospital and near her." Joey said .

"I know I am, and I know this much, Ross hasn't accepted it yet. He just seems to think this is all going to blow over. It may, but we have also got to face the facts, she may actually die. I may lose my mother and she will continue to think of me as a failure." Monica said.

"Monica you are not a failure." Joey exclaimed. "You are a terrific cook, and a great mother, and a great wife to my friend. Besides that you are hot."

"Joey, what are you saying?" yelled Chandler.

"Sorry I was just saying that to make her feel better." Joey said.

"You don't go around telling your best friend's wife she is hot." scorned Chandler.

"That would explain why Ross got so mad last time I was in town." Joey reasoned.

Monica walked over with her tear stained eyes. She put her arms around Joey.

"I know what you are doing and thank you." she smiled.

"Relax Mon, maybe you shouldn't go to the hospital tomorrow." Chandler suggested. "In fact, I insist you don't. We'll do whatever you want." he smiled.

"And so you guys can be alone, after I go to my audition I will go see the guys in the city." Joey added.

"Monica you need a break." Chandler said.

"Hey !" Joey said defensively.

"Relax Joe, I can say it." Chandler said. "It's Ross that's never allowed to say that word again."

"Oh ok, well I am going up to my Joey room now, so I will see you guys later ok?" Joey said as he ambled up the stairs.

"I feel better that Joey is here. It feels like I have my whole family here now." Monica said.

"These guys are your family Mon, they are as much family to you as me, the kids, your parents, or Ross and Rachel."

"I know and I hate what this is doing to me and Ross. I just feel that once again I am a teenager trying to get Mommy and Daddy's approval and the honor student gets it." Monica said as she chewed on a piece of candy.

"It was really bad when you guys were kids?" asked Chandler.

"Yeah, that was when I started to gain weight." Monica admitted.

"Oh well Mon, you've got me." Chandler said.


	8. Sins of a Brother

It was a brisk fall day that Monica spent away from the hospital. Chandler had decided that they needed to spend some quality time together. Joey would take the twins somewhere and they could the day to be alone.

Walking down the old familiar street of Bedford, he spotted a place that was near and dear to both their hearts.

"It is kind of cold and a coffee isn't a bad idea." he smiled.

"Let's go, I'm game." she shrugged. Holding the door open, they walked inside the familiar coffee house.

"Hey you guys." said Gunther as he came over to greet his old customers. "Back in town, say how is every one , how's Rachel?" he asked.

Monica had to laugh same old Gunther, "Rachel is fine , she is still married though Gunther."

Gunther's face dropped. "Oh." he said sadly. "Well what can I get you, you know I am the owner now."

"A coffee for me and a latte for Mon." said Chandler. "We'll be over here." he said as they walked to the familiar orange couch.

"Look here's my ass print. I told you we would forever be immortalized." he laughed. He make a joke in the hope that Monica would lighten up.

"I'll sit here." she said slowly sitting on the couch.

Chandler knew that something was really bothering his wife. She had grown to accept this all, she was the stronger of the two siblings. It seemed though she would also be doing this all for a reason. He had to find out what she had been hiding.

Gunther brought the coffees over. Chandler took out his wallet and Gunther waved it away. "For old friends." he smiled . "Tell everyone I said hi. "

Chandler took a sip and then turned to Monica. "Hon, I know that something has been bothering you. Now we are alone and I wish you could tell me what it is. I know this illness has really taken it 's toll on you, but that can't be everything." he put his arm around her.

Monica took a deep breath and sighed. "Well here it is. Ever since I was a little girl, everyone would tell me how great I was. How smart , and caring and what a good friend I was. Until I got home, then I was always the other child. Nothing I did was right. No grade was ever high enough, I was always forced in the background." Monica explained.

"I never knew this ," said Chandler sympathetically.

"And do you want to know why?" Monica said bitterly. "Because of my dear wonderful could do no wrong brother, your best friend.."

"Oh dear." said Chandler as he licked his lips nervously. He never knew that his wife's resentment was this deep.

"I would make a cake, he would get a science award. I would get on the honor roll, he would get straight A's ..the one year he got all A's and a C in gym, I laughed my ass off., as they pushed me further back, I would eat and eat, and that is why I was fat Monica."Monica admitted.

"Oh I never knew, and I am so sorry for ever calling you fat." he said as he embraced her.

"Rachel was so beautiful, even with her nose, it just galled me that even my loser of a brother was in love with her. And then when he found Carol and got married, I was even more jealous because he found what I so desperately wanted. Then when he had Ben, it just tore me apart." she started to cry.

Chandler remembered that day vividly, on that day he promised that if they were both unmarried by age 40, he would have a baby with her.

"He had the two things that I wanted so much, a baby and someone to love me." Monica wiped her eyes.

"But Carol left him for another woman." Chandler reminded her.

"I know but still, he had her then Emily, and I still had no one. That's why Richard was so special to me. He was the first man to actually love me." Monica said sweetly.

Chandler brisked at the mere mention of the name Richard. At the time, he thought he was cool and wanted to emulate him. As he grew to love Monica, he always thought of Richard as a romantic ghost from her past.

"I continued to resent him when Rachel got pregnant and they had Emma, especially after the doctor gave us the bad news. I thought we were both such committed people , they get drunk one night and bam they get a baby. Our babies are adopted and I will never have the experience of giving birth." she sobbed.

"Mon, hon, I know those aren't our natural children. But we are their mother and father. We have raised them and loved them. They are as much a part of us as Emma is of her parents or Ben is of his." Chandler says. "I think I know where this is all leading anyway. You see yourself as this little girl who is still trying to please your mother. You give and give till you have given all your love away. But it isn't enough, and your mother takes advantage of this. I always thought even as an adult, your mother continued. I saw how mean she was to you in London. And when we got married, they said they spent all their money on the beach house and bad investments. Notice how all your brother has to do is announce his third engagement and the money mysteriously appears to pay for his and Rachel's wedding." Chandler said.

"I love my mother dearly and I just want her to be proud of me. " Monica sobbed.

"She will, Mon , she will." said Chandler as he rubbed her back. And he would make sure she was.


End file.
